If you are or have experience trudging through the muddiest part of grief, you probably understand that grief can be all of the feelings all at once, and it can be exhausting. The world does not stop, but rather continues to pile expectations, opportunities, and to do lists on top of you, despite whatever feelings or experiences you’re having with grief. It can be a heavy weight pushing down on your shoulders. When you’re in the thick of these moments – the moments of anxiety, mourning, sadness, exhaustion, maybe even frustration or confusion – one of the most helpful things you can say is “No.” It may feel selfish or like a weakness to set this boundary, but rather it can be a big step towards self-care.
This could be saying no to a variety of things – attending events, participating in social plans, or just every day tasks, obligations, or activities that may feel like too much. It often takes a lot of energy to feel “present”, which can quickly become exhausting while carrying the heavy emotions of loss. While you might be frustrated with yourself for missing things or saying no to plans, it is very important to recognize and honor the stage of grief you are in at that moment. Stepping back might even include passing on activities or things you enjoy, simply so you can take a moment to slow down and process some of your feelings to recuperate. Saying no now can allow you to make room for saying yes to plans when you’re in a better headspace.
When you say no plans you are not shutting people out or turning them down, but rather protecting your emotional well-being and energy. This will allow you to preserve your energy for moments where you need it to push through waves of grief and foster an environment of rest. Collectively, this can help you feel more situations are manageable and you’ll spend less time pretending or performing your energy. Regardless of what people say in response, your feelings and need for space and time are valid and worthy.
Grief does not come with a timeline, and the healing is not linear. You know what is best for your own healing – trust your gut - put boundaries and say no when it feels right. Creating boundaries for your rest and well-being is one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself in your grief. You’re allowed to protect your energy by saying no when you need a break to take time to care for yourself. Grief is not forgotten here.
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