The tree is set up, fluffed, and decorated. The lights are on the roof and inflatables filled throughout the yard. The presents are bought and wrapped. The cookies are baked. But yet, you don't feel the holiday spirit flowing through you. Or, maybe none of those things are done, and you don't have the energy to start. What will you do this holiday season?
There are a few options
You could opt to do just a few things to get you in the holiday spirit. Maybe you bake one batch of cookies, wrap a few gifts, and watch a movie. Maybe you drive around looking at the Christmas lights and holiday displays in your neighborhood. Maybe you are a part of a Secret Santa exchange, or go shopping to donate toys to kids in need.
Or, maybe you do nothing.
Doing nothing might seem like it will put you in a worse mood, or make you focus on your grief more. Skipping holidays in grief can allow you to feel a sense of control in a time where you don't have much sense of control of your situation. Opting out of certain holidays or celebrations can allow you to save your energy for things that are more important to you. Your wellbeing is more important than showing up to a party with a platter of perfectly frosted cookies.
What if you have kids?
Skipping the holidays might sound like a great idea to you, but may feel impossible if you have kids. You may feel guilty or unsettled if you take away the Christmas joy or holiday magic. The good news is, there are opportunities to make tweaks in your plans to meet everyone's needs. Choosing one or two holiday traditions or experiences to do with your kids can be a great way to stay involved and deliver that holiday magic, while still protecting your own energy and peace during a challenging time. Reaching out to your village of loved ones can be a great way to hold a boundary for your own self care. Perhaps you can have time to focus on yourself and your own needs while the kids watch a movie with an aunt or a grandparent. Maybe this year you help your kids make new traditions, and include them in remembering the loved one that has passed.
Skipping Holidays in Grief
Regardless of what path feels right for you, it's important to stay true to what matters to you. Taking breaks, canceling specific events, not participating in some traditions, or creating new traditions and memories can all be possible solutions. Remember that just because you do it one way this year, doesn't mean it has to stay like that for years to come. Taking emotional inventory with yourself each year (and each day during the season) can be a great way to continue staying true to what is best for you and your loved ones as you grieve and remember and honor your lost loved one together.
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