Headache? There is Tylenol.
Hungry? Get drive-thru dinner.
Have a question? Google it.
Need something quick? It can be delivered overnight.
In a world where we run toward quick fixes, we often lose sight of the natural waiting processes we are meant to experience. There are often times that we learn and grow in the waiting time.
Waiting the full length of time to get a cast off, waiting the right amount of time to get food cooked to perfection, flight delays in dangerous weather conditions to aid in safety - there are scenarios and situations that require (or turn out much better with) extra time. Patience, waiting the right amount of time, and going through the motions instead of rushing to a quick fix are often key. In a society where we rush for the quick fix, these moments of waiting and patience can be uncomfortable and leave us looking for something to turn to.
Could it be, that glazing over grief, we miss the opportunity to grow and heal?
Glazing Over Grief
If we spend our days after loss glazing over grief, we run the risk of missing some big moments of healing. We also run into the reality of it hurting, a lot. But, grief and healing is not a race. Rather, it is a journey of ups and downs, highs and lows as we gradually grow with our grief.
There is often a spoken, and sometimes unspoken pressure to "get better" like there is something wrong with us for grieving. We hear we need to "move on" like we should skip over the pain and the healing and just "go back to normal like we use to be" but how? How can we just jump right back into a life that doesn't exist anymore? Grief cannot be rushed, hurried, or pushed to the side. It requires time, patience, space, and processing.
If we glaze over our grief, we often stuff those feelings and emotion deep inside, quieting them from the surface. If we do not acknowledge or process this, we may run into a much larger problem months or years later - increased stress or anxiety, sleep problems, health problems, headaches, strains in relationships, depression, and much more. Allowing ourselves to go through the steps to healing and processing our emotions can be a long, uncomfortable process, but an important step to finding days where we feel okay again.
What does it mean to stop glazing over grief?
Sit with your feelings, without shaming yourself for feeling a certain way. Let the tears come, instead of holding them in.
Finding resources, like this blog, podcasts, books, or journaling, can be a key way to understanding, accepting, and managing your grief. Ask for help, reach out to people who are experiencing a similar loss. Possibly one of the worst feelings in grief is that no one understands. While no one will truly ever understand how you feel in your exact reality, there can be comfort in connecting with others who have been on similar journeys.
By honoring the depth of our feelings and giving ourselves time to heal, we give ourselves grace and patience to show up for ourselves as we need. Grief does not have a particular timeline to follow, and cannot be rushed. Mostly, it's important not to downplay your grief or push yourself through because you feel like you should.
Imagine the patience you would have for a friend grieving. Likely, you'd comfort them. You may hold them as they cry, dry their tears, offer them a meal. You may give them a place to nap when they're all tired out from their feelings. Why should we treat ourselves any differently? Instead of rushing to the quick fix - medication, alcohol, doom scrolling the on social media for days at a time, ignoring the grief or memories of the loved one that passed, why wouldn't we hold space for ourselves, and allow ourselves to feel the pain we are experiencing?
Acknowledging and Experiencing Grief
As we fight the urge to glaze over our grief, we find courage in ourselves to show up for ourselves. Whether that means you start scheduling therapy appointments, you find coping skills and techniques, or you simply make time and space for yourself to cry or express your emotions, it takes courage. Making these choices requires strength, as the pain and grief collide with your day to day life. No matter how you acknowledge and move through your grief, we are holding space for you. Your grief is not forgotten here, and is encouraged to face, as much as you can in the given moments ♥
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